Differences Between Ladies and Real Women

Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up.
Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Ladies - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Real Women - Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

And finally the most important tip....

Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the inside of the cake.
Real Women - Go to the bakery -- they'll even decorate it for you 

*THE ART OF ZAYA*

Zaya was born June 5, 1975 in Bayan Khongor, Mongolia. In 2002 he graduated from the Institute of Fine Art at the Mongolian University of Culture and Art in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia with a bachelor’s degree in fine art.
He works in the traditional style of Mongolian painting, using watercolor and ink on rice paper and canvas. He depicts mostly warriors, but also draws on traditional themes of dramatic landscape and graceful animals.

 

 

 

i 'm a Mother......

The officer at the Driving License counter asked the lady "What is your occupation?"

The woman seeking renewal of her license seemed to be puzzled. So the officer said "Ma'am, are you employed, have your own business or........

The woman replied "Oh, yes!! I have a full time occupation. I am a Mother"

Officer: "We don't have 'Mother' as an option for occupation. I will write it down as 'Housewife'. That takes care of all questions."

This had happened long ago, and was forgotten. Years later when I went to get my license, the Public Relations Officer was a somewhat pompous woman.

"Your occupation?" she asked in a rather authoritative tone.

I just had an inspiration and replied

"I am a researcher in the field of Child Development, Nutrition and Inter-personal Relationships"
The lady officer stared at me in amazement. I calmly repeated my statement and she wrote it down verbatim. Then, unable to conceal her curiosity, she politely asked "What exactly do you do in your profession, Ma'am?"

I was feeling good about having described my occupation so calmly and confidently. So I replied "My research projects have been going on for a number of years (Mothers never retire!!). My research is conducted in the laboratory as well as in the field. I have two bosses. (One is God and the other is my entire family). I have received two honours in this field. (A son and a daughter) My topic is considered to be the most difficult part of sociology.(All moms will agree!!). I have to work more than 14 hours every day. Sometimes even 24 hours are not enough and the challenges are tougher than many other professions. My compensation is in terms of mental satisfaction rather than money"
   
I could see that the officer was thoroughly impressed. After completing the licensing formalities, she came to the door to see me off.

This new viewpoint about my occupation made me feel much better on my way back home. I was welcomed by my 5 year old research assistant at the door. My new project (my 6 month old baby) was energetically practicing her 'music'.

I had earned a small victory over the Governmental red tape today. I was no longer 'merely a Mother', instead I was now a highly placed functionary in a service vital for Mankind -Motherhood!!
'Mother' - Isn't it a great title. Fit to be added to the nameplate on the door!! By this standard, grandmothers deserve to be called Senior Research Officers, and Great Grandmothers qualify as 'Research Directors'. Aunts and other ladies of that age group can be called 'Research Facilitators'

FUNNY - LINERS

The difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

 

  Alcohol is a perfect solvent:

It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

  A fine is a tax for doing wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing well.
  Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
  An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have:

The older she gets, the more interested he becomes in her.
  There are two kinds of people who don't say much:

those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
  They say that alcohol kills slowly.

So what? Who's in a hurry ?
  Alcohol and calculus don't mix.

Never drink and derive
  One nice thing about egotists:

They don't talk about other people.
  There was a man who said,

"I never knew what happiness was until I got married...

and then it was too late

  Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.

After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

HUMOUR- The I. T. Engg. Hubby

Husband (Returning late from work ) :

"Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."

Wife : Have you brought the grocery ?

Wife : What about my new TV?

Husband : Variable not found ...

Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ?

Husband : Too many parameters ...

Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.

Husband : By Default.

Wife : What about your Salary ?

Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.

Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband : System is unstable.

Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.

Wife : Are you going to drink some wine?

Husband : File system is full.

Wife : What is my value in the family ?

Husband : Unknown Virus.

HUMOUR- At Large

Mona Lisa's Mother: 'After all that money your father and I spent on your braces, is that the biggest smile you can give us?'
 
Columbus's Mother: 'I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!'
 
Michelangelo's' Mother: ' Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?'
 
Napoleon's Mother: 'All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.'
 
Abraham Lincoln's Mother: 'Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?'
 
Mary's Mother: 'I'm not upset your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.
Albert Einstein's Mother: 'But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?'
 
George Washington's Mother: 'The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.'
 
Jonah's Mother: 'That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last three days.'
 
Thomas Edison's Mother: 'Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed. 

Top 10 Facts About Agni-5

Agni-V is a solid fuelled intercontinental ballistic missile that has been developed by the Defence Research and Development Organisation(DRDO) of India. It will greatly expand India's reach to strike targets well beyond 5,500 km away.