Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One fromJapan , another one desi and the third, from China.
They go to White House office to examine the fence.
The Japan contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figureswith a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Desi contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
There is nothing simple or ordinary about his paper art. Where we would simply use a piece of paper and a pair of scissors, Calvin uses everything you could possibly think of to carve, cut and rip perfect details onto his creations. The motifs are all wildlife, and that must be one of the hardest categories of things to make with paper since there are sometimes impossible details on animals. These details are amazing, and I can't even fathom the time it must have taken to create these masterpieces of art.
A man suffered a serious heart attack, while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911, when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital, where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns, at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative, who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
१॰ शनिवार, अमावस्या आदि दिनों पर 'शनि-मन्दिर' में
जाकर आक-पर्ण (मदार के पत्ते) एवं पुष्पों की माला मूर्ति पर चढ़ाएँ । एक
या आधा चम्मच तेल भी चढ़ाएँ । अब मूर्ति के सामने बैठकर शान्त-चित्त से
निम्न मन्त्र, मूर्ति के भ्रू-मध्य या दाहिनी आँख पर त्राटक-पूर्वक
प्रेम-भाव से, ११ बार जपें - "नीलांजन समाभासम्, रवि-पुत्रं यमाग्रजम् । छाया-मार्तण्ड-सम्भूतं, तं नमामि शनैश्वरम् ।।" अब सूर्य-भगवान् को गायत्री-मन्त्र से एक बार अर्घ्य दें या 'ॐ ह्रीं सूर्याय नमः' मन्त्र का यथा-शक्ति जप करें । 'शनि' सूर्य-पुत्र हैं । इस प्रकार पिता-पुत्र की उपासना लाभ-प्रद होती है ।
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said : "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!". The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.......u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back !!
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight.
The albatross drinks sea water. It has a special desalinization apparatus that strains out and excretes all excess salt.
In Clarendon, Texas, there is reportedly a law on the books that lawyers must accept eggs, chickens, or other produce, as well as money, as payment of legal fees.
Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine.
A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times.
Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."
The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.
Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.
All porcupines float in water.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
When opossums are playing 'possum', they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror
A group of unicorns is called a blessing. Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an army. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A group of kangaroos is called a mob A group of whales is called a pod. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of officers is called a mess. A group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament.
Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been over-mixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since. [It floats in gasoline, too.]
If you could count the number of times a cricket chirps in one minute, divide by 2, add 9 and divide by 2 again, you would have the correct temperature in Celsius degrees
During the Civil War, Robert E. Lee was offered command of the Union Army before he accepted his post with the Confederacy.
Margaret Higgins Sanger, the birth-control pioneer, was one of eleven children.
There are more than 15,000 different varieties of rice.
When a man died in ancient Egypt, the females in his family would smear their heads and faces with mud and wander through the city beating themselves and tearing off their clothes.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.