COUGH SYRUP

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

He asks the blonde clerk:
"What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The blonde clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of Laxative."

संता जी यूं बिगड गए

पढते पढते समाचार पत्र को , संता जी यूं बिगड गए ,
करे कोई , भरे कोई, न्याय के दावे अब किधर गए ?
लगता है अब तो क़ानून भी माया पाश में जकड़े गए ,
देखिये, ''राम स्वरुप'' ने चोरी की, ''फलस्वरूप'' पकडे गए ??

IT IS ALWAYS THE HUSBAND'S FAULT.

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant. She isfurious... Here she is –- in the middle of dealing with this Libyan mess -- now this has happened to her! She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You bastard! How could you have let this happen?With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this ! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault !............Well, what have you got to say?" There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again,"Did you hear me?" Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper:

“Who’s speaking?”

Blank phone calls !!!!!!!!!

If you or your family members are getting blank calls repeatedly & no one speaks, do not panic.

It is only Manmohan Singh campaigning for the Congress Party. 

Kindly inform relatives & friends.

Rich Doctor!

A girl brought home a man who was naked except for a loincloth. He had a painted face, feathered headgear and a spear in one hand.

 

"Father I have married the type of man you always wanted me to marry."

 

One look at his son-in-law and the father recoiled in horror.

 

"I had asked you to marry a 'Rich Doctor' not a 'Witch Doctor'!" he sputtered.

jungle mein

2 dost jungle mein ja rahe the,

Jab raat ho gayi to wo dono raaste mein hi Tent laga ke so gaye.

RAAT ko 1 dost ki aankh khuli..

Usne doosre ko jaga ke kaha
Aasman ki taraf dekh ke bata tujhe kya nazar aata hai?

2nd : Bahut saare sitare..

1st : Isse kya pata chalta hai?

2nd : Aasman khubsurat hai..

1st : Abey Newton ki aulad Tent chori ho gaya hai…!

A Surprises Gift

"You've stopped giving me surprises any longer" a woman moaned one day to her long suffering husband.

"Why can't you get me a surprise gift for my birthday. Something that can accelerate from 0 to 150 in under 4 seconds, ... and I'd prefer a blue one!", she hinted. 

The husband just nodded. Happy and excited the woman started counting down the days for her birthday.

And finally she got the beautiful present her husband had thoughtfully chosen for her ... 

He died soon after ... but he died a legend.
! !
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!

Chinese Brain

Mathematician: How do you write 4 in between 5 ? 

Indian : Is this a joke?

Japanese : Impossible!

American : The question's all wrong!

British : It' s not found on the Internet

And the Chinese:  F(IV)E      

This is the reason Chinese are everywhere in the world: in finance, business, medicine, engineering.... anything to do with using both sides of the brain.

A funny story

Ek ladki roz jab college se ghar aati toh
.
ek ladke ko apne ghar ke bahar khada dekhti..
.
Aisa roz hota tha even pura 1 saal beet gaya
aur woh ladka roz usko apne ghar
ke saamne
nazar ata..
.
Woh kuch nahi kehta tha bas
chup
chaap
kabhi agey pechay aur kabhi
apne mobile phone ko dekhta..
.
Ladki ko yakeen hone laga ke ladka
usse pyaar karta hai..
.
Ladki ne apne ghar walo ko bataya.
.
Gharwalo ko ladka pasand aa gaya.
.
Gaav se bhi bade buzurg aa gaye.
.
Ek din ladki ne himmat karke uske
paas jaake bol diya ke
.
tum 1 saal se aise mere ghar ke bahar khade
.
rehte ho to hume pata chal gaya hai ki tum mujhse bahot pyar karte ho.
.
Main bhi tumse shaadi karne k liye ready hu.'
.
Ladka darr gaya aur fauran bola-
...Maaf karna behenji...
actually aapke ghar ke wi-fi pe password nahi hai..
.
Main to free mein data use karne
aata hoon

हरयाणवी कंडक्टर

हरयाणवी कंडक्टर: ओ ताऊ, बीड़ी बुझा ले।

ताऊ बोला: क्यों?

हरयाणवी कंडक्टर: ऊपर देख, लिखा से 'धुम्रपान' मना है।

ताऊ: तेरे ऊपर भी बोर्ड पे लिखा से, 'कॉपर टी' लगवाओ, तंने लगवा ली के?

कहां की कंपनी है?

डॉक्टर: तुम कौन-सा साबुन इस्तेमाल करते हो?
मरीज: बजरंग का साबुन।
डॉक्टर: पेस्ट?
मरीज: बजरंग का पेस्ट?
डॉक्टर: शैम्पू?
मरीज: बजरंग का शैम्पू।
डॉक्टर: ये बजरंग कहां की कंपनी है?
मरीज: बजरंग मेरा रूम मेट है।

Killer English!

Killer English by Teachers:

PT Teacher: You three of you, stand together separately.

Geography Teacher: Will you hang that map or else I'll hang myself.

Principal: Tomorrow call your parents, especially Mother and Father.

And the terrific one:
English Teacher: Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I'm in the class!

Sawan Barse..

1 handsome boy & a hot girl were going in a car for having fun.
Suddenly rain started & both got wet. They found an empty hut & went inside.
Girl had a nice figure was luking awesome in her wet white T-shirt & denim shorts.
Boy was also well built & was aroused by his gf's sexy body. He came close 2 her & wrapped his arms around her waist.
He caught her close & put his hand on her wet waist & started lifting her wet T-shirt feeling her smooth skin.
Girl put her hands on boy's shoulder & offered her lips 4 a kiss..
To continue, please pay Rs. 399/- & enjoy the next episode of "Sawan Barse..Tohar Chummi Ko Tarse"

ऑक्सीजन पाइप

बाबूचंद आईसीयू में भर्ती था और अपनी आखिरी सांसें गिन रहा था। अंतिम समय में  वह गीता पाठ सुनना चाहता था,

जिसके लिए एक पंडित को बुलाया गया। पंडित ने जैसे ही पलंग के पास खड़े होकर पाठ करना शुरू किया, बाबूचंद की तबीयत और बिगड़ने लगी।

वह हांफ रहा था और कुछ कहना चाह रहा था,

लेकिन बोल नहीं पा रहा था। उसने कागज-पेन की तरफ इशारा किया तो उसे एक कागज- पेन दे दिया गया। बाबूचंद ने कागज पर एक नोट लिखा और गुजर गया। पंडित को लगा कि यह नोट पढ़ने का सही समय नहीं है, इसलिए उसने कागज अपनी जेब में रख लिया।

बाबूचंद का क्रियाकर्म कर दिया गया और उसके बाद शोकसभा आयोजित की गई।

शोकसभा में पंडित को बोलने का मौका दिया गया तो वह बोला, ‘बाबूचंद बेहद नेक इंसान थे। जब वे अपनी आखिरी सांसें ले रहे थे, तब मैं उनके साथ ही था और उन्होंने अपने आखिरी शब्द मुझे लिखकर दिए थे। आज सबके सामने मैं उस नोट को पढ़ता हूं। उन्होंने लिखा,

‘अरे  पंडित. तू मेरे ऑक्सीजन पाइप पर खड़ा है!’ 

In an Aeroplane

In an Aeroplane, After 4-5 drinks,
.
.
.
British- I will sleep now,
.
American- I want to work on internet,
.
German- I will watch movies now,
.
Chinese- I will listen to music now,
.
.
.
.
.
INDIAN- Aaj tera bhai plane chalayega!

OHHH...WOMAN....!!!

OHHH...WOMAN....!!!   

Husband calls his wife....
"Hi Honey, I was driving to Susan's place along the coast road and had a suddenpuncture. The car skidded and rolled over.

Only a small tree kept me from sliding over a cliff and falling 500 feet. I managedto crawl out of the car only one second before the tree snapped and the car fellover the cliff.

"I am now in hospital with a broken arm, several broken ribs, a shattered kneecapand severe concussion."

Wife says"Forget about the accident! Who the hell is Susan?"

मेरा अपना अनुभव

मेरा और मेरी पत्नी के झगडे में पत्नी कुछ बढ-चढकर बोल गई | 

मैंने अपना अधिकार जताते हुए कहा - मैं कहता हूं , अपने शब्द वापस ले लो |

पत्नी बोली - नहीं लेती |

मैंने  फिर गुस्से में कहा - आखिरी बार कहता हूं अपने शब्द वापस ले लो , मैं तुम्हें पांच मिनट का समय देता हूं |

पत्नी ने शांत भाव से पूछा - और अगर पांच मिनट के अंदर अपने शब्द वापस न लिए तो ?

मैंने कहा- अच्छा , तो तुम्हें कितना समय चाहिए

बेचारा मैं ........................!!!

Always Love Your Husband

Love your husband when he orders you to make tea or coffee because he wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks...

Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females because he is just checking that you are still the best ?

Love him if he criticises your cooking because he is still improving his taste.

Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep because he is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.

Love him if he forgets to give you a gift on your birthday because he is saving money for your future.

Love him... Because you don't have a choice and killing is a legal offence.

When an Arab travels on Air-India

A rich Arab travelling in an Air-India plane sees a pretty air-hostess
and rushes to the captain. "I want to buy that air-hostess" he says.
Captain: You can't buy the air-hostess, she belongs to the plane.
Arab: Then I want to buy the plane.
Captain: You can't buy the plane, it belongs to Air-India.
Arab Then I want to buy Air-India
Captain: You can't buy Air-India, it belongs to the government of India.
Arab: Then I want to buy the Government of India..
Captain: Sorry, chum. The Government of India has already been sold to the Ambanis.

What you say?