Mild jokes

John saw a wooden notice board in the middle of the big pond and had
forgotten his eye glasses at home. He could not read, so he swam all the
way to the board and read,

“Lake infiltrated with killing Crocodiles, do not swim.”

John and Lew went to rob a bank and noticed
they forgot to bring the Gun from home. However, they did rob the bank.

They went to the Bank Manager Balwa their cousin, “Who told them
go ahead rob the bank, I trust you, bring and show me your gun tomorrow.”

John came from USA and was expecting wife to greet him at home who was
not there.
So he asked his son,” Hey Lew, where is your Mom.”
Lew said, “Mom ran away with neighbor uncle.”
John got mad and Yelled, “You SOB, how come you did not inform me when I
talked to you so many times over phone.”
Lew explained, “Daddy, I thought you liked it, so I gave you a pleasant

John complained to wife, “I could not sleep whole night in the train on 
upper berth.”
Wife said, “Well, you should have exchanged with lower berth.”

John, “Yes, but with whom do I exchange, there was no one to talk to in 
lower berth.”

Customer asked, "What is the guarantee that the mirror you trying sell
would not break."
Delhi-ka-thug, “Sir if you drop this mirror from 100th floor it will not
break until all the way to 99th floor down.”
John, “99% strong OK pack it.”

John was blessed with a birth of a daughter. He fell in anxiety.
He told friend, “You know these boys they sexually harass girls.”

Friend said, “Oh don’t worry name her DIDI (big sister) and no one will 
come near.

NASA sent three Lew astronauts to moon flying their rocket.

But they returned from half way there. On inquiry they said, “It is dark
moon day, there won't be any moon today in space.

John’s dad died at home in India and he was crying in grief.
A telephone rang, he responded and started crying even louder.

Friend asked what happened. He explained, “My sister called and her Dad 
also died today.”

If Lalea want to dial 94494 94494..
how will he dial........?
He will first dial ..... 94494
and then he will "REDIAL"94494

John is this Banana for.
Vendor, “Oh $1.00 per pound.

John, “Would you sell it for 0.60 cents?

Vendor, “for 60 cents you would not get even pills of banana.

John, “ Here 40 cents, do not give me banana pills just the banana inside.

John, “My wife fell down in our water well, must be badly hurt
and she was screaming a lot.”

Friend, ”Oh what a mishap, but how is she now?”

John, “ I guess she must be fine, I don't hear any scream from well any

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this. By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."

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