National Geographic: Best photos of February
The lens best photos from the January National Geographic magazine and National Geographic Russia.
A herd of gazelles at sunset in Kalahari, South Africa
(Photo by Morkel Erasmus):
Church notices
Have a hearty laugh!!
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Ng sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Ngau and Jessie Sng were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-formers will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Assitant Pastor unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Ng sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Ngau and Jessie Sng were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-formers will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Assitant Pastor unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Three Words Phrases That Make Relationships Better
There are many things that you can do to strengthen your relationships.
Often the most effective thing you can do involves saying just three words.
When spoken sincerely, these statements often have the power to develop new friendships,
deepen old ones and even bring healing to relationships that have soured.
The following three-word phrases can be tools to help develop every relationship.
Let me help:
Good friends see a need and then try to fill it.
When they see a hurt they do what they can to heal it.
Without being asked, they jump in and help out.
I understand you:
People become closer and enjoy each other more when the other person
accepts and understands them.
Letting your spouse know - in so many little ways - that you understand them,
is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship.
And this can apply to any relationship.
I respect you:
Respect is another way of showing love.
Respect demonstrates that another person is a true equal.
If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds
and become closer friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.
I miss you:
Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely
said to each other I miss you. This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted,
needed, desired and loved.
Consider how important you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call
from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say I miss you.
Maybe youre right:
This phrase is very effective in diffusing an argument.
The implication when you say maybe youre right is the humility of admitting,
maybe Im wrong. Lets face it. When you have an argument with someone,
all you normally do is solidify the other persons point of view.
They, or you, will not likely change their position and you run the risk of seriously
damaging the relationship between you.
Saying maybe youre right can open the door to explore the subject more.
You may then have the opportunity to express your view in a way that is
understandable to the other person.
Please forgive me:
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes
and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures.
A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong,
which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
I thank you:
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy.
People who enjoy the companionship of good,
close friends are those who dont take daily courtesies for granted.
They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness.
On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often
do not have the attitude of gratitude.
Count on me:
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out.
Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship.
It is the emotional glue that bonds people.
Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady
and true friends.
When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating
you can count on me.
I'll be there:
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night,
to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down
some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase
Ill be there.
Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give.
When we are truly present for other people, important things
happen to them and us.
We are renewed in love and friendship.
We are restored emotionally and spiritually.
Being there is at the very core of civility.
Go for it:
We are all unique individuals.
Dont try to get your friends to conform to your ideals.
Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how far out they seem to you.
God has given everyone dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only.
Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams.
Tell them to go for it.
I love you:
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say.
Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person
deepest emotional needs.
The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted.
Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear
those three little words: I love you.
Love is a choice. You can love even when the feeling is gone.
Wonderful English from Around the World
Wonderful English from Around the World
In a Bangkok Temple :IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway :LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome :SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok :DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa , leaving Nairobi :TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery:PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar:SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest :IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich :BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)
A Laundry in Rome :LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
And finally for the all time classic:
Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window :IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…
In a Bangkok Temple :IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway :LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome :SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok :DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa , leaving Nairobi :TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery:PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar:SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest :IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich :BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)
A Laundry in Rome :LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
And finally for the all time classic:
Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window :IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…
VIKAS hoga
Rahul Gandhi gaon ke ek ghar mein jaakar ek aurat se bola, "Ab hum aa gaye hain,
ab VIKAS hoga."
Aurat, "Pichhli baar bhi tumne kaha tha
par MUNNI hui thi!"
ab VIKAS hoga."
Aurat, "Pichhli baar bhi tumne kaha tha
par MUNNI hui thi!"
बेवकूफ लड़का
यदि किसी लड़की को प्यार हो जाए तो घरवालें पूछेंगे
कौन है वो बेवकूफ लड़का
यदि किसी लड़के को प्यार हो जाए तो घरवाले पूछेंगे
बेवकूफ, कौन है वो लड़की
सबकः प्यार किसी को भी हो, बेवकूफ हमेशा लड़के ही बनते हैं।
हैदराबाद के इस आदमी का शरीर आप देख नहीं पाएंगे
एक अच्छा इंसान होने के बावजूद मुहम्मद उमर का शरीर कुछ ऐसा है कि लोग उन्हें घृणा की दृष्टि से देखते हैं। उमर अपना शरीर और लोगों का रवैया देखकर मानसिक रूप से परेशान रहते हैं। उमर का कहना है कि शरीर ऐसा है तो इसमें उनका क्या दोष?
62 साल के मुहम्मद उमर के पूरे शरीर पर ट्यूमर के अनेक गोले हैं। उनकी मां को सिर्फ हथेली पर इस तरह के गोले थे। बचपन में उमर ठीक थे लेकिन चौदह साल की उम्र से उनके शरीर पर भी ये गोले निकलने शुरू हो गए। मां उन्हें डॉक्टर के पास ले गई लेकिन कोई फायदा नहीं हुआ।
उमर को डॉक्टर ने कहा था कि वह अगर शादी करेंगे तो उनके बच्चों को भी यह बीमारी होने की संभावना रहेगी। उमर बहुत दिनों तक इस बारे में चिंतित रहे लेकिन आखिर में 45 साल की फरहात से उन्होंने प्रेम विवाह किया। फरहात भी उनसे प्रेम करती है। उसका कहना है कि वह समझ गई थी कि उमर अच्छे आदमी हैं। परिवार वालों ने फरहात को रोका लेकिन वह नहीं रूकी।
उमर रेलवे में लगेज एसिस्टेंट थे लेकिन उनके शरीर का ट्यूमर बढ़ने के बाद लोगों ने उन्हें काम देना बंद कर दिया और उनको नौकरी से निकाल दिया गया। उमर को उसके बाद किसी ने नौकरी नहीं दी। उमर कहते हैं कि अब लोग उन्हें देखने से भी कतराते हैं और यह स्थिति वह सह नहीं पाते। उनकी बीवी को घर चलाने के लिए स्कूल में नौकरी करनी पड़ी।
दोनों के चार बच्चे हुए। पहले तीन बच्चों को जब ट्यूमर नहीं हुआ तो उमर को लगा कि शायद सब ठीक रहेगा, लेकिन उनके सबसे छोटे बेटे के शरीर पर ट्यूमर निकलने शुरू हो गए हैं। उमर यह देखकर और भी दुखी रहते हैं।
बाप और बेटे दोनों की बीमारी देख चुके हैदराबाद के यशोदा हॉस्पिटल के डॉक्टर चिलुकुरी श्रीनिवास का कहना है कि उमर और उनके बेटे को हुई बीमारी लाइलाज है। इस बीमारी को न्यूरोफाइब्रोमेटोसिस (
62 साल के मुहम्मद उमर के पूरे शरीर पर ट्यूमर के अनेक गोले हैं। उनकी मां को सिर्फ हथेली पर इस तरह के गोले थे। बचपन में उमर ठीक थे लेकिन चौदह साल की उम्र से उनके शरीर पर भी ये गोले निकलने शुरू हो गए। मां उन्हें डॉक्टर के पास ले गई लेकिन कोई फायदा नहीं हुआ।
उमर को डॉक्टर ने कहा था कि वह अगर शादी करेंगे तो उनके बच्चों को भी यह बीमारी होने की संभावना रहेगी। उमर बहुत दिनों तक इस बारे में चिंतित रहे लेकिन आखिर में 45 साल की फरहात से उन्होंने प्रेम विवाह किया। फरहात भी उनसे प्रेम करती है। उसका कहना है कि वह समझ गई थी कि उमर अच्छे आदमी हैं। परिवार वालों ने फरहात को रोका लेकिन वह नहीं रूकी।
उमर रेलवे में लगेज एसिस्टेंट थे लेकिन उनके शरीर का ट्यूमर बढ़ने के बाद लोगों ने उन्हें काम देना बंद कर दिया और उनको नौकरी से निकाल दिया गया। उमर को उसके बाद किसी ने नौकरी नहीं दी। उमर कहते हैं कि अब लोग उन्हें देखने से भी कतराते हैं और यह स्थिति वह सह नहीं पाते। उनकी बीवी को घर चलाने के लिए स्कूल में नौकरी करनी पड़ी।
दोनों के चार बच्चे हुए। पहले तीन बच्चों को जब ट्यूमर नहीं हुआ तो उमर को लगा कि शायद सब ठीक रहेगा, लेकिन उनके सबसे छोटे बेटे के शरीर पर ट्यूमर निकलने शुरू हो गए हैं। उमर यह देखकर और भी दुखी रहते हैं।
बाप और बेटे दोनों की बीमारी देख चुके हैदराबाद के यशोदा हॉस्पिटल के डॉक्टर चिलुकुरी श्रीनिवास का कहना है कि उमर और उनके बेटे को हुई बीमारी लाइलाज है। इस बीमारी को न्यूरोफाइब्रोमेटोसिस (
Neurofibromatosis ) कहते हैं।
उमर अब कभी-कभी भीख भी मांगते हैं। उनका कहना है कि अगर लोग उसे काम नहीं देते तो फिर उनके पास घर के लिए कुछ पैसे जुटाने के लिए इसके अलावा कोई चारा नहीं है। उनके शरीर का ट्यूमर बढ़ता जा रहा है। आंखो के आसपास ट्यूमर के बड़े होने से दिखना कम हो गया है। गर्मी में पसीने से पूरे शरीर में खुजली होती है। बीवी फरहात उनका बहुत ख़याल रखती है।
